


My Dearest Dean

by Azura_lights_18



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baker Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Gabriel is a loving big brother, Hurt Dean Winchester, Lawyer Sam Winchester, Love Letters, M/M, Soldier Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27044845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azura_lights_18/pseuds/Azura_lights_18
Summary: A collection of letters between Castiel and Dean while Dean is deployed.
Relationships: Castiel & Gabriel (Supernatural), Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Can't bear to leave you.

**Author's Note:**

> not really sure how many of these I will write or how often I'll update.

Dear ~~Castiel,~~ Cas,

I'm writing this at the desk in our room. Well, I guess it's your room now.

And yes, I did tell you that I wouldn't write to you while I'm away. And that I don't want you to write to me either; that it's sappy and cliché, but watching you lying in our bed, wearing my t-shirt…

I just couldn’t help myself, I had to write it down. How I felt. Looking over at you, sleeping peacefully, it’s the first time that I have stopped myself from curling up in your arms. I had to drag myself away, because if I let myself stay, well, I would never leave.

Tomorrow I’ll be gone. Hopefully, I’ll be gone before you wake. I can’t imagine saying goodbye to you, not knowing if I’ll ever say hello again. All I can say is look after yourself. Stay alive, please. And if I never say it to you again… Cas, I love you with all my heart, all my soul. I will fight til the ends of the earth for you, I will go to hell and suffer for you, I will trade my life for you. You will forever and always be my one and only love. Never forget that. Never doubt that.

I love you, my angel. Know that you’re my light in the darkness, my beacon of hope.

I know I don’t say it enough, that you question my feelings, but I promise you, if I make it out, I will tell you every day, every hour, every minute. I love you, Castiel. Don’t ever doubt it.

Yours faithfully,

Dean Winchester

_P.S. Look after Sammy for me, I know he’ll be a wreck._


	2. All my love

Dearest Dean,

01/07/19

I just found your letter. How dare you leave me without telling me you wrote to me. When I found it, I wept. You’ve been away for a week, and I feel hollow. The place you occupy in my person is empty. There is nothing that can replace you, nothing to tide me over. I’m counting down the hours until I see your face again. Until I can hold you in my arms. Until we can fall asleep together, in our bed.

Sam has been well, he’s been keeping busy. He’s focused on two pro bono cases right now as well as teaching a first year law course. Apparently, throwing himself into work has kept his mind off of you.

It’s not so simple for me. Every time I enter the bakery, I think of the first time we met. When you ordered a small black coffee and an apple pie. I had told you we had run out, but you insisted. You had parked yourself on a barstool and refused to leave until I made a new one. It had taken an hour and during that time, you had served each of the customers while I was out back. Your charm had convinced every one of them into buying a pastry or cookie. I was in awe.

The second time you came in, I was ready with an apple pie, but you smiled and asked for a pumpkin one instead. Again, you welcomed the customers, while I baked. On your third visit, I realised that you didn’t know what pie you wanted until you knew which one was out of stock. When confronted, you admitted that you were deliberately wanting to spend more time with me. I told you we could do that over a drink.

It’s been a year since that day, but I remember it as if it were yesterday.

All my love, Castiel.

_Ps. Do not talk as if you won’t return. You will, I am counting on it. You will be safe until I see you again, I am sure._


	3. I wish I could hold you

Dearest Dean

12/07/19

I guess when you said you wouldn’t write to me… you meant it. It’s been over two weeks since you left. I haven’t heard from you since but I’m assuming no news is good news. At least that’s what Sam said.

Gabe came to help with the bakery. He’s not very good at the savoury goods but at least he can bake cookies. Charlie and Bobby love them, and they’ve been selling like hot cakes. It’s great because I haven’t been able to bake a pie since you left. The closest I’ve come is baking a loaf of bread, which I burnt.

Gabe’s banned me from the kitchen, he says I’m a fire hazard. I keep spacing out, thinking about the times when you would help me. The time when you ripped a bag of flour and it fell everywhere. You tried to clean it up with a mop and made the mess even worse. Or about the time when we forgot about the pie and almost burned the place to the ground.

~~I miss you~~. I wish I could hold you.

17/07/19

Dean, please. I hope you’re alive. Just let me know you’re alive.

Cas


	4. Oh Brother, My Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets involved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I may add in other character letters as well. Could be interesting to write from other perspectives.

Dean

20.07.19

I know you’re receiving Cas’ letters. I talked to one of your commanding officers.

Look, I know it must be hard for you to be apart from him, but he’s going out of his mind.

I went to check up on him the other day and he was standing at one of the tables, cleaning the same spot for two hours. Gabe is kinda freaking out, he’s never seen Cas act like this.

I’m not asking you for much, just something small to let him know you’re doing okay.

Sam.

P.S. I'm doing well, I went to mom's grave yesterday and left a tulip for her. I asked her to watch over you while you're over there.


	5. It's been a while, Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally replies

~~Cas, Castie, my Cas.~~ My Dearest Castiel,

How are you? I know it’s been a while since I last wrote. Maybe I shouldn’t have even written a letter to begin with.

I know I’ve been selfish.

This past month without you has been hard. Getting up and not seeing your smile. Not having your blueberry pancakes on Tuesdays. Not being able to read with you when it rains.

At least the days are long and tiring so when I get back, I fall asleep easily. My drill sergeant has me on the lunch shift though, so I’m stuck making food for at least 40 soldiers each day. It’s tiring, but I know can officially say my spaghetti is a hit. You will be the first civilian I cook it for when I get back. Just you wait, you’re going to love it.

Stay healthy,

Dean

Sammy,

Hey little bro, I sent a letter to Cas, make sure he gets it. Thank you for making me get my ass into gear. I wasn’t thinking about how much Cas would be hurting.

That will be the last one for a while though, I’m going on mission soon and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I didn’t tell Cas, he might worry.

Please make sure he’s eating well. I know Gabe’s there but… I don’t know, distract him for me.

Take him to that community college you’re always hanging about and get him to teach a class. Or get him to take one. Just keep him from thinking about me.

I know I’m asking for a lot, but I can’t bare to think about him hurting because of me.

As always, I love you Sam

Dean


	6. I'll be waiting

Dearest Dean,

25.08.19

It’s been a month since your last letter.

I’m still not sure why you sent one, maybe Sam convinced you? When I first saw the envelope, I was too scared to open it.

What if it wasn’t you who sent it, but one of your superiors. What if it was a letter telling me you died? What if you weren’t coming back…

I’m glad none of those thoughts were true. I’m hoping that it still isn’t true. I’m praying every day that you’re alive and safe, that you will come home to me.

I know you may get a chance to come home to me in a few weeks. I know it may be hard for you to go back after if you do, but please… at least consider it.

Even if I only get to look at your face for a few days, even if I get to hold you in my arms for a few hours. Even if we only get to share one meal, it would be enough.

You’ll be happy to know that I’ve been doing better. Sam’s been coming over more often. There aren’t any pro bono cases at the moment, and he’s found that his class is learning quicker than he thought they would. He’s been dragging me and Gabe around with him. Last week, we signed up for a pottery class. Obviously, that was a terrible idea. Gabe kept trying to recreate that scene from Ghost with Sam. But to be honest, Sam didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight.

I’ve also been looped into teaching a beginner’s baking class. I’m not really sure how it happened, but I have a feeling Sam roped Ellen into pulling some strings. I keep seeing familiar faces at the community college. Charlie signed up for my class, she is a disaster in the kitchen, and Benny comes to eat with me if I have an afternoon class.

I have a feeling you’re behind all of this Dean Winchester, and I really appreciate it.

Stay safe my love, I’m waiting for you.

Castiel.


End file.
